Operation: Turnabout Birthday Present
by ProbableImpossibilities
Summary: Maya's birthday is only a couple of days away, and Phoenix still hasn't come up with a suitable present. One idea has presented itself, but it may just be too crazy to work. Can Phoenix find the mysterious author of Maya's favorite Steel Samurai fan-fiction in time, or is this one mystery he just can't solve? Rated T just in case.
1. Turnabout Conundrum

"Maya... Maya... Hello, is anyone in there? Earth to Maya!"

"..."

Phoenix sighed and folded his arms. He'd wanted to talk to Maya, but upon entering the office that morning, he'd found her staring intently at his computer screen, reading some wall of text. "What's the point of having an assistant," he mumbled to himself, "if she just sits around hogging my technology and not responding to a word I say?"

Slightly frustrated, Phoenix kicked the legs of Maya's (technically his) chair, but still failed to illicit a response. He cleared his throat.

"Maya Fey, if you do not turn around and talk to me right now, I will never buy you burgers again."

Still no response. Obviously, desperate measures were called for. Phoenix adjusted his collar, put on his best courtroom face, took a deep breath, and yelled...

"'The Steel Samurai' is a dumb show!"

"WHAAAAT?!" Suddenly, Phoenix felt a jarring pain as Maya lept up and tackled him to the ground. "Take that back, Nick!" she screamed, pounding her fists on his chest, rather like a small child throwing a tantrum. "You don't know anything! 'The Steel Samurai' is the epitome of culture!"

Phoenix moaned. "Yes, yes! Obviously. I was only joking! C'mon, let me up!"

Maya stood up, huffed indignantly, and crossed her arms. "You shouldn't joke about these things, Nick! People might get offended."

Phoenix sighed and stood up, smoothing the wrinkles in his suit. _The things I have to do to get her attention..._

"Anyway, Maya, there was something I wanted to ask you about..." Phoenix stopped. Something on the computer screen had caught his attention. "Um, what're you reading?"

"Oh! Uh, nothing..." Maya stammered.

Phoenix raised an eyebrow. "Well, obviously it's not nothing; if it was, you wouldn't be getting so worked up over it."

Maya blushed a little. "Ha ha, I guess there's no fooling you, huh?" She shrugged her shoulders and sighed. "Well, if you really want to know... it's a 'Steel Samurai' fanfiction."

Phoenix cringed. "Sorry I asked."

"Hey!" Maya crossed her arms angrily. "Don't give me that look! It's not just any fanfiction; this is THE fanfiction. It's famous all over the Internet! Plus, the writing's so good, people say the author might be one of the actual 'Steel Samurai' screenwriters! I've even heard rumors that they're planning on making it into a mini-series..."

Phoenix rolled his eyes. "Maya, if this guy's job was to write 'Steel Samurai' stories, why would he feel the need to write fanfiction about his own material?"

Maya huffed. "You don't know his life! Maybe he feels pressured by the producers and wants to elaborate on the fandom! Besides, while it's not rated M or anything, there's a certain... intellectual elegance and subtlety to it that younger readers would definitely not appreciate."

"Wow, Maya..." Phoenix said, slightly stunned. "If this fanfiction is teaching you to use big words like that, I certainly can't object to it!"

"Hey! You don't think I can use big words?!"

_Hmm, I'd better 'plead the fifth' on that one..._ Phoenix thought to himself. Wanting to change the topic, he hurriedly asked, "So, what's this thing called, anyway?"

Maya happily clasped her hands. "The title is 'Warrior of Great Justice!' The newest chapter just came out today, actually, so I was just finishing it when you came in. I've read every single chapter, so I've gotta keep up with all the updates!" Maya gave a little sigh. "The story is just so touching..."

"Right. Well, I certainly wouldn't want to disturb you, but this is kind of MY office..." Phoenix grumbled. Suddenly, a thought occurred to him. "Oh, hey, I almost forgot. I gotta ask you something..."

Maya blinked. "Didn't you ask me something already?"

"This is a different something!" Phoenix scratched his head. "Well, uh, you know how your birthday is next week...?"

Maya nodded. "Yep, on Tuesday!"

Phoenix fidgeted. "Right. Um, so, if someone were to, let's say, get you a present... uh, hypothetically, what would you want?"

"You're asking me what I want for my birthday?" Maya paused for a moment in thought. "Well, gee, Nick, I really don't know... Ooh! I got it!" She clasped her hands. "Make it something creative! And special!"

"Whaa- ?! Maya, that does not help me at all!"

"Geez, everything is always about you, isn't it, Nick?" Maya huffed in mock frustration. "Come on, don't look so frustrated!" She winked mischievously. "You can turn this situation around!"

"...Please don't say things just to get in buzzwords..." Phoenix sighed. "Alright. I'll come up with something." He glanced at the clock. "Can you hold down the fort for about an hour? I just remembered that I need to go get... milk."

Maya raised an eyebrow. "'...Milk', eh? Sure, no problem!"

Phoenix grabbed his jacket and headed for the door. "Alright, I'll be back in a few." As he opened the door and stepped out into the hallway, he heard Maya call out after him.

"Nick! Don't think you can get away with just treating me to burgers!"

Phoenix's heart sank. _Dang it. How did she know?!_

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Phoenix had circled the park twice desperately wracking his brain for birthday-present-inspiration and still hadn't come up with anything. Frustrated and slightly peeved, he sat down on a park bench and held his head in his hands. "Let's see... what does Maya like?" he muttered to himself. "Burgers... that's out. She's completely obsessed with Steel Samurai... but she said to be creative. I bet everybody just gets her Steel Samurai stuff... how could I be creative...?"

Suddenly, a thought occurred to him. A crazy thought. A completely irrational, illogical, impossible thought. "She wants creativity, huh?" he smiled to himself. Feeling empowered, he stood up and pointed at the closest tree. "I'm gonna find the guy who writes that Steel Samurai fanfic and get his autograph or something!" he shouted. "And it's gonna be the most creative birthday present anybody's ever seen! TAKE THAT!"

"HOLD IT!"

"Huh?" Phoenix turned around, only to find his courtroom archrival, Miles Edgeworth, staring at him with a facial expression that could only be described as, 'I've swallowed something sour.'

"Wright..." Edgeworth raised an eyebrow. "Pardon the intrusion, but I don't believe that tree will ever be on trial for anything, so cease and desist. I hear enough of your 'TAKE THAT!' in court."

Phoenix grumbled. "Says the man who just shouted 'HOLD IT!' from five feet away."

Edgeworth shook his finger. "Tsk, tsk. Trivialities." He crossed his arms. "I believe what's most important at the moment is that you've assigned yourself an impossible task."

Phoenix bristled slightly. "What do you mean, 'impossible'?"

Edgeworth shrugged. "I'm simply saying that, even with the most advanced technology, it would be terribly difficult to find the author of one obscure Internet-based fanfiction. Especially for a man of such mediocre skill as yourself."

"What?!" Phoenix fumed. "Just what is your problem, Edgeworth? I thought we agreed to save the trash-talk for the courtroom!"

Edgeworth raised an eyebrow. "I don't recall making any such agreement..."

Phoenix shrugged. "Eh... it was worth a shot." He scratched his head. Something about the prosecutor's demeanor was bothering him. "You know, it seems like you're awfully interested in this for somebody who just happened to be passing by..."

For a moment, it seemed like Edgeworth's face turned a shade paler than usual. "Alright, I'll revise my statement," he said, composure firmly back in place. "Your skills are not mediocre. They are abysmal." As he turned to leave, Edgeworth graced Phoenix with a surly glare. "Give it up, Wright," he said, then turned on his heel and strode briskly off.

"You know that only makes me want to try even harder!" Phoenix shouted after him, but if Edgeworth heard, he didn't respond. Phoenix slumped back down onto the bench. "Stupid Edgeworth," he muttered. "What does he know? Probably never read a fanfiction in his life..."

Still, there was truth in the prosecutor's warning. Phoenix knew it would be difficult to find this mystery author. Despite that, he felt confident that he'd pull something together. He'd faced tougher mysteries in court, after all. And he really did want to do something special for Maya...

"Alright, Warrior of Great Justice!" he shouted. "Look out; Phoenix Wright is on the case!"


	2. Turnabout Clue

_It was springtime; though the cherry-blossoms floated, beautiful and delicate, through the air, the breeze that carried them was hot and stiff. The tiny village's dirt roads resembled the place itself in a number of ways, for they were rough and rutted, grimy and worn-out. However, the difference between the village and its roads was this: inside the village lay the body of a young child, and on its roads, the blood of the criminals who had killed him._

_Only one of the wanted bandits remained. His whole body trembled as he clutched his sword; the very sword that had cut down countless innocents in its master's unquenchable thirst for power and violence. It could offer him no solace now. "Y- you... think you're some kind of vigilante, don't you?" he shouted. "Some kind of hero?!"_

_On the other side of the road stood a warrior, face concealed inside a mask of glinting steel. In his hands he held a great spear, tip lowered towards the bandit. "I am no hero," spoke the warrior in a deep, firm voice. "Nor am I a vigilante, for I serve the shogun. However..." _

_The warrior began to approach the bandit, slowly and deliberately. "I have pledged my sword to truth, and my spear to justice," he said. "These are my true masters, and it is in their interests that I have defended this powerless village. That is my duty as a warrior, and as a servant of all that is right and honorable." He leveled his spear at the bandit. "Now, die with honor, for you have lived without it."_

_The bandit shook. "No... G- get away from me! S- S- ….. STEEL SAMURAI!"_

Phoenix blinked. "Wow... that was actually pretty intense. Go figure." He yawned and stretched his arms over his head. "Three chapters down, fourteen more to go..."

It was nine o'clock at night, and the Wright & Co. Law Offices were empty and dark (excepting, of course, Wright himself and his computer). He'd told Maya he had to stay overtime to finish some important paperwork; in reality, he'd decided to try and read 'Warrior of Great Justice.'

"What am I doing...?" he muttered. "I was hoping to get some idea of the author's location by reading this, but so far all I can tell is that they apparently think the Steel Samurai is Batman." He sighed. "I suppose I could try just messaging the guy... although he'll probably think I'm a stalker." He shrugged his shoulders. "Eh... I guess I won't find out if I don't try..."

Phoenix clicked on the author's profile and opened up a private message.

_Dear Sir or Ma'am,_

_A good friend of mine is a very big fan of your work. Her birthday is coming up, and I was wondering if I could trouble you for an autographed copy of 'Warrior of Great Justice.' You can contact me at Wright & Co. Law Offices (867-5309 or reply to this email ) if you're interested._

"Hmm..." Phoenix quickly made sure everything was correct, then sent the message. "I guess that's all I can do for now," he muttered, and powered down his computer. As he pulled on his coat and started to lock up, he crossed his fingers. "I really hope this works."

* * *

The next morning, Phoenix opened up the office and immediately went to check his email. _I have to see if that guy got back to me before Maya gets here... _he thought as he powered on his PC. Sure enough, his inbox showed one new message from an address he didn't recognize. The subject line read "Warrior of Great Justice."

"Score!" Phoenix shouted excitedly. "Let's open that puppy up and..." He stared at the screen. "...What the...?!"

The message read:

_HG-2, IY-8, RB-14, DL-6, WC-3, FC-72, GS-1, SL-9, WD-40, KG-8, XD-3, QO-6, FG-23, VB-7, YT-54, MO-9, GK-2._

_Good luck._

"WHAAAAT?!" Phoenix slammed both hands on his desk. "What the heck is all that?! Some kind of code?!" He gritted his teeth. "Who does that?! I mean, who even does that?!"

"Nick, are you okay?" Maya stood in the doorway, smiling. "Did you get a bunch of junk-mail from that unemployment self-help place again?"

"Oh, h-hey Maya," Phoenix stammered. "Uh, no, I was just... reading an article."

"Oh, okay." Maya cocked her head. "What was it about?"

"Umm..." _Just remain calm... _he thought to himself. "It was... uh, an extremely opinionated editorial... on... uh... stepladders."

Maya stared. "You got that fired up over an article about ladders?!"

Phoenix coughed. "**Step**ladders."

Maya rolled her eyes. "Jeez, Nick, you need to get a life." Suddenly, she grinned and clasped her hands. "Anyway, I was thinking of ways to get more clients, and I have a really neat idea!"

Phoenix nodded. "Cool. Do whatever you want." Inwardly, he was panicking. _Don't look over my shoulder... don't suspect a thing... please..._

Maya grinned. "Wow, thanks! I'll be back later!" She practically skipped out the door, calling "Bye, Nick!" in a sing-song voice.

As soon as he heard the office door slam, signaling Maya's departure, Phoenix groaned. "Stepladders? Really? God, I am so smooth..." Looking back at the computer screen, he sighed. He really had no idea what any of those letters or numbers were supposed to mean. IY-8, RB-14, DL-6... wait... DL-6? Why would the name of that case be...

Suddenly, Phoenix gasped. "That's it!" he cried. "These are all case files!" He hadn't recognized it at first because that naming system was used mostly by the police department and prosecutor's offices. As a defense attorney, none of his cases were sorted using those letters and numbers. That, of course, meant that he'd have to visit either the police or the prosecutors to look up the case files.

Phoenix stroked his chin. Considering the over-the-top negative reaction his plan had gotten from Edgeworth, as well as the inherent danger of being whipped or coffee-burned to death that came with visiting Franziska von Karma or Godot, the prosecutor's offices were probably off the table. That was probably just as well, though. Phoenix had found it frighteningly easy to weasle information out of Detective Gumshoe in almost any situation; finding out about these cases was sure to be a piece of cake.

Phoenix reached into his pocket and pulled out a notepad labeled 'Court Record.' He then flipped to a new page, and wrote down all of the case numbers he'd received in the e-mail. Snapping the notepad closed, he pulled on his coat and headed for the door. "Time to investigate," he muttered. "First stop: the precinct."


	3. Turnabout Revelation

_The Steel Samurai stood, firm and resolute, atop the jagged edge of a mountain path, watching the flames light up the night sky. The Dubious Daimyo and his army of savage evildoers would trouble this rural region no more. However, the Samurai was displeased. Though the shogun had bade him serve justice to this evil man, it seemed as though someone else had gotten to the Daimyo first. _

"_Hmph..." The Steel Samurai folded his arms. "All those men... never afforded the chance to defend themselves in the eyes of the law. Never given the chance to die with honor." He watched the flames slowly consume the Daimyo's compound, feeling a deep sense of injustice. "Who would have done such a thing?"_

"_Oh... really, you mustn't think too harshly of me, Samurai."_

_The Steel Samurai's eyes widened as he turned to face the cliff wall. Though he had not sensed anyone approaching, he found himself suddenly facing a slender figure clad entirely in black._

_The figure took a step towards him. "Surely you know that the Dubious Daimyo has lain outside the reach of the law for many years now. He and his men have laid waste to this region; how could justice be upheld if nothing was done?" The figure shrugged. "Besides, I don't believe anyone was home. Out on a military campaign, or something of that nature."_

_The Steel Samurai tensed. Though only the figure's emerald eyes could be seen, the voice that spoke to him was bright and soft; it was most definitely a woman who stood before him, and a young one, at that. "Who are you?" he demanded, tightening his hold on his spear._

_The woman laughed. Her laugh was certainly pleasant, enough to make one forget that she had just set an entire complex ablaze. "I am the Great Thief... the bird that flies through the darkness in search of the truth," she said, emerald eyes gleaming. "You can call me... the Obsidian Raven."_

Detective Gumshoe scratched his head. "Um, ya mind telling me why you're showin' this to me, pal?"

Phoenix smiled sheepishly. "Well, I was hoping you might recognize something, since the author sent me a bunch of case names..."

Phoenix had sought out Gumshoe immediately after arriving at the precinct. He'd explained his situation and handed the detective a copy of 'Warrior of Great Justice' in hopes of getting some leads; however, it seemed like Gumshoe was just as lost as he was.

The detective raised an eyebrow. "Sorry, pal, but I think I'd remember a case about... what was it? Dublin Daimyos and Obstinate Ravens?" He shrugged. "But hey, if ya wanna check out the case names this guy sent ya, be my guest. I can't get ya into the evidence room, but I think we got a couple shelves full of case summaries in the back... you're welcome to leaf through those if you want."

Phoenix was slightly surprised. _The security standards around here must be getting really lax if they're letting random passerby leaf through their files... _"Thanks, Gumshoe," he said. "Would you mind showing me where they are?"

Gumshoe grinned. "Sure thing, pal! Follow me!"

The detective led Phoenix to a small back room in what could be called the Siberia of Criminal Affairs. The walls were lined floor to ceiling with binders, and the dust was so thick Phoenix nearly gagged. _Geez,_ he thought, _don't they clean anything around here?!_ "Uh, Gumshoe," he said, glancing around the room. "How do I know where to find the files I need? No offense, but this place is a mess."

Gumshoe sighed. "Here, gimme that list. I'll find 'em for ya."

Phoenix handed the detective his list of case names. "Thanks a bunch, Gumshoe."

"Hey, don't mention it, pal." Gumshoe scratched his head, eyes scanning the list carefully. "Huh. That's funny..."

Phoenix raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Nothing, it's just..." Gumshoe scratched his head again, looking puzzled. "I feel like I recognize these cases from somewhere... I just can't seem to put my finger on it."

Phoenix stroked his chin. "Yeah, now that you mention it, I recognize some of these, too. Do you think there's something they all have in common..?"

"Well, I guess we'll just have to try and find out, right, pal?" Gumshoe said, and started pulling binders off the shelves. "Let's see... HF-29, HF-30, HG-1... huh? Where's HG-2?"

Phoenix blinked. "It's not there? What about the other cases on the list?"

Gumshoe ran around the room, rifling through rows of shelves. "No VB-7, no WD-40, no FC-72, no GS-1, no GK-2, no KG-8..." He stopped and scratched his head. "I don't think any of these case files are here, pal!"

Phoenix's eyes widened. "WHAT?!" He was starting to get a really bad feeling. "You don't think... somebody stole them?!"

Gumshoe didn't seem too upset. "Nah... even if they did, nobody around here would ever notice. This whole room is full of nothing but case summaries... it's pretty useless." He thought for a bit. "Besides... I actually think I remember what happened to them!"

Phoenix blinked. "You do?"

Gumshoe grinned. "Yeah, I just remembered, actually." He pointed to the list. "Prosecutor von Karma had me bring these up to her office this morning." He smiled sheepishly. "She musta been out runnin' errands or something when I got there, though, because the door was locked. I just left the pile of binders outside her door."

Phoenix stared. "...Really?! You're telling me this NOW?!"

Gumshoe squirmed. "Hey, pal, I told ya I didn't think of it 'till just now!" He held up his hands. "Look, if ya wanna know what's in those cases so badly, go talk to Ms. von Karma."

Phoenix gave the detective a pleading look. "Gumshoe, I might die."

The detective sighed. "Fine... if you're that freaked out about it, I guess I can go with you... but if that whip comes cracking down I ain't gonna be in range. Got it, pal?"

Phoenix nodded reluctantly. "Got it." He shrugged his shoulders and sighed. _I guess I'm gonna end up going to the Prosecutor's Offices after all..._

* * *

"Hmm? Case summaries?" Franziska von Karma flipped through her paperwork. "Is there a reason a foolish defense attorney like you vould need to ask me about this?"

Phoenix rubbed his cheek, which now sported a large, red welt. Upon arriving at the door to von Karma's office, he'd been instantly assaulted by the business end of her whip without ever getting a chance to explain himself. Thankfully, he'd fallen over and almost fainted, so he was able to convince the prosecutor that he could sue if she didn't at least hear him out. "Well, none of my cases are sorted using this system..." he said, showing her his list. "I went to the precinct first, but obviously the summaries weren't there."

Franziska raised an eyebrow. "Obviously? Vhat do you mean by that?"

Phoenix shrugged. "Well, Gumshoe told me you asked him to bring them all up here..."

Gumshoe nodded. "That's right, sir, and I brought 'em all, just like you asked!"

The prosecutor's eye twitched. "Foolish fool!" she shouted, swinging her whip. True to his word, Gumshoe quickly hopped out of range; Phoenix, however, was not so lucky.

"GYAAAAAHH!" Phoenix clutched his face; the welt on his right cheek was now accompanied by a matching welt on his left.

Franziska huffed. "Only an utterly foolish fool would do something so foolish. I never asked for those summaries!"

"WHAT?!" Phoenix fumed. He turned on his companion. "Gumshoe, did she ever physically ask you for them, or did you just get a note?"

The detective cringed. "Ah... actually, it was an e-mail..."

Franziska grumbled. "Did you even bother to make sure that it vas sent from my address, you blithering idiot?!"

"Well..." Gumshoe gulped. "I guess I didn't really think about it too much at the time... but I did leave the summaries outside your office door!"

Franziska folded her arms. "Vell, I certainly haven't seen them!"

Phoenix groaned. "Whoever sent that e-mail must have taken them." He clenched his fist. "At this rate, I'll never be able to get Maya her birthday present!"

Gumshoe sighed. "I'm real sorry, pal."

Phoenix shook his head dejectedly. "No, it's okay; you did everything you could." He turned towards the door. "Sorry to disturb you, Ms. von Karma."

"HOLD IT!" Franziska stretched out her hand. "Before you go... let me see that list one more time."

Phoenix handed her the list. "Do you recognize anything?" he asked tentatively.

Franziska pondered the names for a few moments. Suddenly, her eyes lit up. "This one here," she said, pointing to the name 'KG-8'. "This happened quite a few years ago." She smirked. "I played a rather pivotal role in solving that case..."

Phoenix grew hopeful. "So you prosecuted?"

Franziska sighed. "Nein... I vas a bit too young back then. But Miles Edgeworth certainly vouldn't have been able to figure it out vithout my brilliant insight..."

Phoenix's heart skipped a beat. "Edgeworth..?"

Franziska nodded, handing back the list. "That vas his first case, I believe." She thought for a moment. "Actually, now that I think about it, he vas involved in all of these cases." She raised an eyebrow, tightening her grip on her whip. "Vhat did you say this vas for again?"

Phoenix gulped. "Uh, nothing special. Thanks for your help!" With that, he swiftly ducked out the door, dragging Gumshoe along behind him.

Once outside the prosecutor's office, Phoenix sighed. "I thought I'd never get out of there alive."

Gumshoe scratched his head sheepishly. "Hey, I'm sorry, pal. If I'd known that she didn't really have the files, I wouldn't have made you go through all that."

Phoenix stroked chin. "Well, now we know one very important thing... somewhere, at the very center of this mess, sits Miles Edgeworth." He sighed. "And, knowing him, he's probably watching and laughing maniacally."

Gumshoe's eyes widened. "What are ya gonna do now? I gotta admit, I'm really curious. Why would all those cases have to do with Mr. Edgeworth?"

Phoenix considered his options. Simply asking Edgeworth would get him nowhere. There was only one thing left to do...

"Gumshoe." Phoenix looked the detective straight in the eye. "I need you to get me into Edgeworth's office."

"What?!" Gumshoe looked angry. "No way, pal! I can't do that!"

"Why not?" Phoenix asked. "You have a spare key, don't you?"

"Yeah, but I can't just let you into his office!" Gumshoe protested. "That'd be violating Mr. Edgeworth's privacy!"

"Oh, come on!" Phoenix pleaded. "It'll only be for ten minutes, tops!" He paused. "I... I'll buy you a whole month's worth of instant noodles..."

Gumshoe blinked. "A whole month?" He scratched his head. "Well... I suppose it'll be alright if it's only for ten minutes... but you'd better put everything back just the way it was, pal, or Mr. Edgeworth will have your head on a stick!"

Phoenix grinned. "Thanks, Gumshoe!" His heart started to beat faster as he headed towards Edgeworth's office. _This is it... finally, I'm about to discover the truth! I'll unmask the Warrior of Great Justice!_

* * *

Meanwhile, a young woman entered a dimly-lit costume shop at the edge of town. She walked up and down the lines of racks, searching for something that would suit her purposes. Suddenly, something yellow caught her eye. "Ooh!" she exclaimed, picking up the costume excitedly. "This is perfect! And Nick said I can do whatever I want... we'll get so many clients with this!" As she headed to the checkout, she clasped her hands. "Nick will be so surprised!"


	4. Turnabout Climax

"This is it..." Detective Gumshoe rummaged through his coat pockets. "I think the key's somewhere in here..."

Phoenix sighed. The door to High Prosecutor's Office 1202 looked so imposing; the effect was probably enhanced by the fact that he was out of place and sneaking around. "Could you hurry it up a little?" he snapped. "We don't know when he'll be back."

Gumshoe huffed. "Keep talking like that, pal, and I won't let you in... aha! There it is!" The detective fished a small silver key out his pocket and placed it in the lock. The door clicked open, Gumshoe grabbed the handle, and they were in.

Phoenix scanned the prosecutor's office. "You know, I don't think Edgeworth has even moved anything since the last time I was here... this office always looks exactly the same."

Gumshoe put the key back in his pocket. "That's why we gotta be careful, pal. If anything moves by even a centimeter, he'll eat us for breakfast."

Phoenix glanced at Edgeworth's shelves. "Well, as long as we put the files back in the right order, we should be fine." He pulled out his list. "Let's see... which one should I look for first?"

Gumshoe shrugged. "Don't ask me, pal."

Phoenix sighed. "That was kind of rhetorical, but whatever." He ran his finger along a row of binders. Suddenly sighting a familiar name, he pulled the file off the shelf. "Hey, look! It's the DL-6 file!" He turned to Gumshoe and pointed excitedly to a small black burnt spot. "That's where Manfred von Karma tasered me through the paper!"

The detective looked uneasy. "Hey, pal, maybe you shouldn't touch that one... Mr. Edgeworth's pretty sensitive about it..."

Phoenix opened the file. "And that is exactly why I'm starting with this one. If there's anything hidden in here, it's probably VERY interesting." He flipped to the back of the file. Sure enough, a tiny white corner poked out of the binder's back flap. Phoenix pulled it out, revealing a white piece of computer paper folded in half. Upon further inspection, he noticed a small note written in the top left corner: "Chapter One WOGJ."

"Yes!" Phoenix shouted. "I finally found it!" He waved the paper in front of Gumshoe. "Do you know what this means?!"

Gumshoe scratched his head. "Not really, no."

Phoenix tapped the paper. "This is decisive evidence! See, the WOGJ stands for 'Warrior of Great Justice!' And this is definitely Edgeworth's handwriting."

Gumshoe blinked. "Wait, so that means..."

Phoenix nodded. "It means that Miles Edgeworth writes Steel Samurai fanfiction."

The detective gasped. "Open it, pal!" he shouted. "I just gotta see this!"

Phoenix grinned. He felt absolutely giddy. "Alright, here goes..." he said, and opened the paper. "WHAT?!" Phoenix nearly fainted. "This... this..."

Gumshoe looked concerned. "What? What?!"

"It's... written in Wingdings." Phoenix started shaking. "Not typed. WRITTEN. In WINGDINGS."

Gumshoe stared. "Wow... that takes dedication..."

Phoenix slumped to his knees. "To think... I was THIS CLOSE! THIS CLOSE to finding the truth!" He stared angrily at the paper in his hands. "All I needed was definitive proof... and I get this gibberish!" He threw his head back and screamed. "CURSE YOU, EDGEWORTH!"

"What in the world is your problem, Wright?"

Phoenix yelped and turned around. Framed in the doorway stood a very angry high prosecutor.

Edgeworth scowled down at Phoenix. "I go out to lunch for ONE HOUR and THIS is what I find when I return? My office door hanging wide open and a defense attorney shouting and rifling through my things?!" He turned to glare at Gumshoe. "Why does it not surprise me that you've aided and abetted this idiot burglar? This will be reflected in your salary..."

Gumshoe pouted. He looked like he was about to cry. "Yes, sir."

"And you..." Edgeworth pointed at Phoenix accusingly. "What in the name of all that is sacred do you think you're doing?!"

Phoenix glanced at the paper in his hand and sighed. "You know, at this point, I'm not really sure what I'm doing anymore. There were so many twists and turns along the way, but really I just wanted to get a neat birthday present for Maya." He smiled sadly. "But, knowing what I know now, I guess it was a stupid idea. It was probably a stupid idea all along."

Edgeworth raised an eyebrow. "If you knew it was stupid, why pursue it to such lengths?"

Phoenix shrugged. "Who knows? Maybe that's just the way I am. After all, I became an attorney for a really stupid reason. And it seems like I only take stupid cases and stupid clients." He glanced at the paper. "But I'm always stupid enough to keep trying, I guess..."

Edgeworth stared. "...You just called me stupid."

Phoenix gulped. "No no no no no... that's not what I... well... ah..." He stood up swiftly and placed the paper on top of Edgeworth's desk. "I should probably be going now," he stammered as he headed for the door. "I guess I'll just get Maya a paperweight or something..."

"HOLD IT!" Edgeworth blocked the door and held out his hand. "Give me that paper."

Phoenix cringed. "This paper?"

Edgeworth scowled. "Yes, that paper! Give it to me post-haste!"

"Who in the world uses 'post-haste' in daily conversation?!" Phoenix mumbled to himself, and reluctantly handed the paper to Edgeworth. It was odd... though he'd been the one to discover Edgeworth's embarrassing secret hobby, Phoenix himself felt slightly ashamed.

Edgeworth's brow furrowed as he scanned the page. "I assume," he said slowly, "that you think you know what this is, don't you, Wright?"

Phoenix nodded. "So you'll admit it, right? You're the one who writes 'Warrior of Great Justice'..." Suddenly, he saw Edgeworth's eyebrow twitch; the Magatama in his pocket lit up, and two Psyche-Locks appeared in front of the prosecutor. Phoenix's heart sank. _Ah fuuuuuuuuuu..._

Edgeworth smirked. "Don't be ridiculous. Do you have any proof of this?"

Phoenix smiled sheepishly. "Well, uh, if I had some tapioca..."

Edgeworth blinked. "What?"

Gumshoe's eyes lit up. "Hey, I get it! The proof is in the pudding!"

Edgeworth groaned. "Good Lord, Wright..."

Phoenix was scrambling. _I have to get rid of those locks right now, or he'll never tell me the truth about this..._ "The proof is right there in your hands!" he said. "We found that paper in your DL-6 file. It's labeled 'WOGJ', or 'Warrior of Great Justice,' in what is clearly your handwriting!"

Edgeworth cringed, and one of the locks shattered. However, a moment later he regained his composure and shrugged. "So what? You have no idea what's actually written here. That abbreviation could stand for anything."

Phoenix glared at him. "Like what?!"

Edgeworth folded his arms. "Well, for all you know, it could mean 'Witnesses Often Get Justice.' Or 'Wal-Mart Offers Great Jellybeans...' or 'Who Ordered Gant's Jumbo-shrimp?...' or 'Wright Obsessively Gyrates-"

Phoenix groaned. "Okay, okay, I get the picture. Just stop."

Edgeworth smirked. "Obviously, there is no conclusive evidence pointing to me as the author." He shook his finger. "Really.. if you were this bad in court, you'd never win any cases."

Phoenix sighed. _Actually, I AM this bad in court... guess I'll just have to bluff my way through this... _"Edgeworth," he said, rifling through his pocket. "I actually have another piece of evidence." He pulled out his list of case names. "You see, this list of cases was sent to me by the author of the fanfiction in question. In fact, this list is how I knew to look in your DL-6 file." He stroked his chin. "Funny thing, that... it would seem that every single one of these cases involves you."

Edgeworth swiftly looked away. Phoenix smiled. He had the prosecutor on the ropes.

"See, this is what I think happened," he said. "You got my email about Maya's birthday. You knew it was from me because you'd heard me talking about it at the park earlier that day, plus I included my office's phone number. Now, I can't say for sure if you have feelings or not, but you were probably conflicted; a tiny part of you wanted to help me out, so you sent me these case names knowing I would be able to crack the code. However, after you realized what you'd done, you were mortified, so you tried to cover it up. Posing as Franziska von Karma, you emailed Detective Gumshoe and asked him to bring all the publicly-accessible case summaries to her office. You then snatched the summaries and hid them. In fact..." Phoenix pointed. "You've probably just returned from doing exactly that!"

Edgeworth recoiled, and the final Psyche-Lock shattered. Phoenix grinned. At long last, victory was his.

Edgeworth sighed. "Alright... you win. I suppose I couldn't hide it forever." His face reddened. "I, Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth, write Steel Samurai fanfiction. There, are you happy now?"

Phoenix had to work really hard to hold back a laugh. Edgeworth stared at him, and his eyebrow twitched.

"You've come to laugh at the disgraced attorney, haven't you?" Edgeworth looked like he was in physical pain. "Well, go on! Laugh! Laugh!" He clenched his fist. "Why aren't you laughing?!"

Phoenix just couldn't hold it anymore. "BWAHAHAHA!" he cackled, holding his sides. "You... you... write... BWAHAHAHAHA!" He was laughing so hard, he felt his appendix might burst. But he just couldn't stop. "AHAHAHAHA! HAHAHA! HAHAHAHA!"

Edgeworth sighed and walked over towards the shelves. While Phoenix continued to laugh uncontrollably, the prosecutor selected a file and flipped through its contents until he found what he was looking for. Withdrawing three or four sheets of paper, he held them out to Gumshoe. "Please staple these to the back of the packet labeled 'WOGJ' inside my..." he lowered his voice so that Phoenix wouldn't hear. "...secret safe."

Gumshoe saluted. "Yes, sir!" He took the papers and snuck off towards the back of the room. In a few moments, he returned bearing a rather large stack of paper. "Here you go, sir," he said, handing the papers over to Edgeworth.

"Thank you, Detective," Edgeworth said, pulling out a pen and scribbling something on the last page of the packet. He then cleared his throat. "Wright."

"HAHAHAhahaha ha ha... eh?" Phoenix turned to face the prosecutor.

Edgeworth folded his arms. "Are you quite finished?"

Phoenix smiled sheepishly. "Uh, yeah, I- I'm good now. Heh heh..."

Edgeworth sighed. "Here," he said, holding out the packet. "This is what you came for, is it not?"

Phoenix took the papers. "Huh? What's this?"

Edgeworth's face reddened. "You said you wanted a copy for Miss Fey's birthday." He motioned towards the papers. "That is my master copy. I've also included the latest chapter, which I haven't gotten around to posting yet. Don't worry; it's not in Wingdings. Just..." He folded his arms. "Don't tell her who wrote it. I wouldn't want her to be disappointed."

Phoenix smirked. "She thinks you're a screenwriter, you know. She even told me there's going to be a mini-series."

Edgeworth raised an eyebrow. "Don't be ridiculous," he said, but Phoenix thought he could detect a hint of satisfaction in his voice.

Phoenix pouted in mock disappointment. "Aww... I was really looking forward to that mini-series..."

Edgeworth crossed the room and pointedly opened the door. "Well, if Dee Vasquez ever contacts me, I will be sure to let you know," he said as Phoenix headed for the door. The second Phoenix stepped into the hallway, Edgeworth smirked. "After all, you're in it..."

"What?!" Phoenix yelped, but the prosecutor had slammed the door shut. "Hey, Edgeworth!" he yelled. "What do you mean, I'm in it?! Why am I in it?! Come on!" Receiving no response, he sighed and headed for the elevator. _I guess I got what I came for.._. he thought. _Now all that's left is to give it to Maya..._

* * *

Meanwhile, at Wright and Co. Law Offices, Maya Fey discreetly shoved a large paper bag behind the couch. "There," she said, putting her hands on her hips. "Nick never looks back there... I'll show it to him on my birthday." She smiled to herself. "This is going to be the best surprise ever!"

* * *

**Author's Note: It isn't over yet... hee hee hee..**


	5. Turnabout Finale

Phoenix entered Wright and Co. Law Offices on Tuesday morning to find Maya bouncing excitedly on the couch. "Morning, Nick," she said cheerily, trying (and failing) to hide her immense excitement. "How are you today?"

Phoenix smiled and rolled his eyes. "Happy birthday, Maya." He set his briefcase down on the desk, opened it, and pulled out a suspiciously paper-shaped package sloppily wrapped in gaudy wrapping paper.

Maya jumped up and squealed. "Thank you, Nick!" She rushed over to the desk and tore at the paper like a kid on Christmas morning. Phoenix had to laugh a little at her exuberance. I sure hope she likes it... he thought to himself. I feel like I went through Hell to get that.

Maya tore off the last piece of wrapping paper and gave a little gasp. "Nick... this is..." She grinned. "This is awesome! How did you get this?!"

Phoenix smiled. He'd taken the paper packet Edgeworth had given him and had it bound inside a (relatively cheap) plastic cover. He'd tapped into what was left of his rapidly fading art training and designed a cover for the story, featuring a Steel Samurai with suspiciously anachronistic bangs and a Pink Princess with long black hair and a topknot. Phoenix wondered if Edgeworth knew Sal Manella had (at least partly) based that character off of Maya...

He put his hands on his hips, feeling proud of himself. "That's the author's personal copy," he said. "It includes the newest, as-of-yet unreleased chapter. I even got it signed for you."

Maya gasped happily. "You know who the author is?! Who is it?!"

Phoenix held a finger to his lips. "Unfortunately, that's a secret."

Maya pouted. "Aw, come on!"

Phoenix shrugged. "Sorry, he told me not to tell you."

"'He', huh...?" Maya stroked her chin. "Well, that narrows it down to about half the world's population..." She snapped her fingers. "Ah! And if he signed it, we could do a handwriting analysis!"

Phoenix sighed. "Maya, we'd need another handwriting sample to compare it to for that to work."

Maya shrugged. "Ah, well. It was worth a shot anyway." She flipped through the booklet excitedly. "So there's a new chapter in here?" She clasped her hands. "Ooh, I bet we finally get to find out what happens to the Cerulean Ronin!"

Phoenix raised an eyebrow. "The... Cerulean Ronin?" _Where does Edgeworth come up with these weird names?_ he thought. _Most of them don't even make sense..._

Maya nodded. "He's a samurai without a master, so he's kind of like the Steel Samurai's enemy, but they've helped each other out a couple of times. He dresses all in blue and goes around defending outlying villages from invaders. He has good intentions, but he's kind of stupid." She chuckled. "He always has this really intense helmet-hair, so when he takes off his armor his hair's all slicked-back in the front, but really spiky and messed up in the back."

Phoenix felt a kind of sinking feeling in his stomach. His days in Color Theory had taught him that 'cerulean' was roughly the same color as the suit he wore to court. "So, uh, what happens to him?" Phoenix asked, more than a little curious now.

Maya huffed. "I haven't read the new chapter yet!" She clenched her fist excitedly. "The last update ended on a really intense cliffhanger! See, the Steel Samurai was about to be defeated by the Evil Magistrate, and it looked like he might really die! But just as the Magistrate was about to strike the killing blow..." She made a swooshing motion with her hand. "...the Cerulean Ronin swooped in and blocked it! Now the Ronin's fighting the Magistrate, but it doesn't look like he's going to win..."

Phoenix shrugged. "Eh... I think he'll turn things around."

Maya glared at him. "You haven't read it yet, have you?! I don't want any spoilers!"

Phoenix held up his hands. "I haven't read it! I won't spoil anything, alright?" He smiled to himself. _Edgeworth, you're hopeless..._

Maya flipped to the last page of the booklet. "Ooh, this is where he signed it!" she said excitedly. "'Dear Miss Maya'," she read. "'I sincerely hope you enjoy 'Warrior of Great Justice,' and I hope you have the very best of birthdays. I wish you success in your staunch defense of justice!'"

Phoenix raised an eyebrow._ He wished her success? He does know that I'M the lawyer around here, right?_

Maya squealed. "Ah, this is the best birthday present ever, Nick!" She jumped on him and threw her arms around his neck. "Thanks for working so hard to get this," she said, snuggling her face into his shoulder.

Phoenix blushed a little. "Er, you're welcome," he said, then patted her gently on the back. "Happy birthday, Maya." He smiled.

Suddenly, Maya pulled away from him and grinned. "Oh, I almost forgot!" she exclaimed. "I've got a present for you, too... It'll help us get more clients!"

Phoenix felt a tiny bit of dread as he wondered what hare-brained scheme Maya had thought up, and shrunk back a little. "Uh, what is it?" he asked hesitantly.

Maya smiled mischievously. "You'll see..." she said, and pulled a large paper bag out from behind the couch. She held it out to Phoenix. "Here, open it!"

Phoenix gulped and reached for the bag. He could see some large yellow mass of fabric inside. _What in the world...?_ he thought with some trepidation. He gingerly reached into the bag, and pulled out... what?

"This..." Phoenix was confused. "This is a giant banana costume."

Maya nodded gleefully. "I figured, if you stood outside with a sign and wore this, we'd attract so much attention! Clients would come running from miles around!"

Phoenix gaped. He felt slightly in shock. "Me?! Wear this?! In public?!" He felt a bead of sweat trickle down his forehead. "But bananas don't have anything to do with our law offices!"

Maya huffed. "Yes they do! Don't you remember that one case where bananas turned out to be really really important?"

Phoenix stared at her. "But that wasn't actually a bunch of bananas! It was a yellow baseball glove!"

Maya shrugged. "What difference does it make?" She clasped her hands. "Besides, people really like bananas! You'll be super popular!"

Phoenix always knew Maya's logic could be a little off, but this was ridiculous. "How exactly will dressing up like a banana make me popular?!" He crossed his arms. "Sorry, but no way am I wearing that!"

Maya looked crushed. "Aw... but Nick... I..." She sniffed. "I really thought you'd like it..."

Phoenix looked at her and sighed. He really couldn't stand seeing Maya cry...

* * *

The next day, Prosecutor Edgeworth decided to change his morning walk in order to swing by Wright's office. He was still embarrassed, but quite frankly, he was curious to find out how the defense attorney's 'birthday present' had fared. As he approached the office, he squinted. The morning sun was getting in his eyes, but he thought he saw something... yellow. _One of these days, I'm going to end up needing glasses,_ he thought to himself.

As he neared the office building, Edgeworth was surprised to find that he had, indeed, seen something yellow. When he was only a few feet from the office, he stopped in his tracks. "Wright?" he questioned. "Why in the world are you standing out here wearing a giant banana costume?"

Phoenix grumbled. "Meryaehigjdkladhgjdwqpvgcadjfc..."

Edgeworth raised an eyebrow, inwardly trying not to chuckle. "What?"

"Maya's making me wear it, okay?!" Phoenix snapped. A tinge of red colored his cheeks. "She said it would attract more clients." He sighed. "Where in the world does she get these crazy ideas?!"

Edgeworth smirked and tapped his forehead. "Well, you know what they say. Revenge is a dish best served cold..." He grinned. "And I prefer my bananas chilled."

Phoenix rolled his eyes. "Come on, Edgeworth, did you really have to..." Suddenly, a thought occurred to him. "Wait... 'revenge'?" Phoenix gasped. "Edgeworth, you didn't!"

Edgeworth grinned maliciously. "You know, when I learned that you were trying to expose my little secret, I knew you wouldn't stop until you'd found me out; you're quite thick-headed that way. By coincidence, I happened to meet your lovely assistant outside a burger joint... so I made a little suggestion. She was quite excited." He folded his arms, still smirking. "Didn't you think it odd that Ms. Fey suddenly and out of the blue decided to do this?" He stroked his chin. "Or is she really just that unpredictable?"

Phoenix was stunned. "You... retaliated that far in advance?! How can you call that revenge if I didn't even do anything to you yet?!"

Edgeworth shrugged. "Even if you failed to expose my secret, I'd still get to see you in a banana costume. The opportunity was... ripe for the picking, as it were." He chuckled.

Phoenix groaned. "If you make one more fruit pun I WILL kill you."

Edgeworth shook his finger. "Au contraire, my simple-minded friend. I am well trained in self-defence against fresh fruit." He chuckled again, feeling like he was slowly losing it. "That banana costume just suits you so perfectly," he said, stifling a laugh. "You really should wear it to court sometime."

Phoenix moaned. "Agh, I can't believe I fell for your twisted scheme! You even manipulated Maya into making me feel bad enough to actually wear this... all over some internet thing?!" Phoenix fumed, his face bright red. "This is WAY more embarrassing than your stupid nerd-dom, Edgeworth!"

Edgeworth smirked. "Come now, Wright. I find the costume quite... aPEELing!" He couldn't hold it anymore. "MWEHEHEHEHEH! HEHEHEHEHEH! HEEHEEHEEHEEHAHAHAHAHEEHEE!" He clutched his sides. "Ha ha ha... this is... heh heh... this is... heh heh heh... my turnabout... ha ha ha ha ha! This is what you get... heh heh heh... for laughing at me... ha ha..."

Phoenix held his head in his hands. "Edgeworth, you're the worst!" he groaned. "First you write me into your stupid fan fiction, and now this?! You really are a demon prosecutor!"

Edgeworth managed to calm himself down enough to stop laughing. "I'm sorry if I've caused you mental distress," he said, smiling. "Why don't we go out for some ice cream? I'll get you a banana split..."

Phoenix groaned and tried to beat his head against the wall, but found it difficult due to the bulky banana costume. Edgeworth started laughing again.

* * *

Meanwhile, Maya sat on the sofa of Wright and Co. Law Offices, reading her birthday present. When she finished the final page, she closed the booklet and smiled. "Aw, the Steel Samurai and the Cerulean Ronin ended up defeating the Evil Magistrate together! That was such a great ending!" She jumped up from the sofa and pointed dramatically. "'The next time we meet, Ronin, we will fight with great honor!'" she shouted, and giggled. "You know," she thought aloud, "those two characters really remind me of something..." She shrugged. "Eh... it's probably just my imagination."

- FIN. -

* * *

**Author's Note: And that is the short, silly end of the short, silly fan-fic. I hope you enjoyed it at least a little; thank you for all your support and reviews!**

**This is actually the first multi-chapter fic that I've actually finished... even though it was only five chapters... and Chapter Two didn't really quite count... still, I feel accomplished now.**

**Also, Monty Python reference. Kudos to you if you got it.**


End file.
